Fanfiction is the New Bohemia
by CeruleanStarGlow
Summary: What happens when you take the plot of RENT, and you put it into the lives of all of us. All of the avid writers and readers of Fanfiction, become the Bohemians, and suddenly we learn, that We're going to have to pay for the right to write fanfiction...
1. BILLS

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT. Jonathan larson owns RENT... sort of... WHo does own RENT now that Johnny is dead? Does his sister own it? If you die... can you leave a musical to someone?! Imagine putting that in a will! "And i leave my musical to..."

Please read on!!

* * *

It was a normal day in New York City, when two thirteen year old girls ran into an apartment building on seventh avenue, hoped up the stairs two at a time, and dashed down the hallway towards the a door. One of them, a girl about 5'5" with long dirty blond hair skidded to a stop and fished a key ring out of her pocket. The other one couldn't stop in time, but as she tried to, she slid, and slammed right into the wall beside the door. She was a few inches shorter than the other girl, with hair a shade lighter, though it looked like it had been dyed. The first girl fumbled with the keys for a moment, before sliding one into the keyhole and unlocking the door with a soft click. She shoved open the door, and pulled her, mildly dizzy, friend, through the doorway and into the apartment. She slammed the door shut and flipped the light switch. "Ysa!!" The second girl whined as the first girl, Ysa, pulled her through another door and into what must have been her bed room.

The two of them plopped down onto Ysa's bed and she picked up grabbed her laptop, and opened it, jiggling impatiently as it booted up. The second girl, Katie, rubbed her arm and glared at Ysa "If my arm is broken, YOU'RE paying my hospital bills!" She said, and Ysa raised an eyebrow.

"I highly doubt that your arm is broken." Ysa told her, and then looked back at the screen of her computer. She pulled up internet explorer and frowned the moment she saw her homepage. Her eyes widened and she gasped. "Katie look at this post, News from …

'August seventeenth, 2 pm, eastern standard time

Fanfiction will no longer be free

You get the site if you can pay the fee

Yearly or monthly

This effective,

On August 31st at nine Pm'

Ysa Glared at the screen "That just sucks"

"Holy fuck" Katie screeched.

"This can't be happening

I'll kill you all!!" Ysa screeched

Kate looked scared for a minute "You talkin to me?"

Ysa smirked "Not at all"

"I'm just pissed

At all this fanfic shit

It was always free

SO now why should we pay a fee?"

"I bet the owner wants to buy a yacht…"

The phone rings, and the two girls stop and look over at it. Ysa sings "We screen. Zoom in on the answering machine!"

"SPEEEEEAK"

"That was a very loud speak

I don't even know if you are listening… Ysa?

Ysa, are you there? Are you screening your calls, it's your aunt.

I wanted to call and say I love you!!

And your cousins miss you!!

It's Kimmie's birthday today, just like yours!!

I hope you like the Iphone!!

Just don't lose this phone

Like all your other phones!

Oh and Ysa! I'm sorry to hear that David dumped you

I say se la vie!!

So let the boy be gay, I say,

There are other fishies in the sea!!

Love Auntie!!"

"Oh it was always free so why should we-?"

"The phone rings!"

"Again!"

"BEEEEEEEP"

"Happy birthday-" _A girl with short brown hair and blue eyes is talking on her cell phone and starts signing happy birthday._

"Anni!!"

"I'll be there soon!!"

"Hey"

"Katie picked up the phone?"

"No it's me"

"I'm just a street away"

"A wild night is now pre-ordained!"

_Anni looks to see a bunch of older teens surrounding her. _"Umm… I may be detained…"

"What do you mean… detained?" Ysa askes. _The kids take Anni's phone and grab her tote bag._

"Hey dyke! What are you doing in our part of town!!" One of the kids taunts.

"Shit!" Anni exclaims, before they start to beat her up.

_The scene changes back to Ysa and Katie at the phone. It rings again. _"Happy birthday!"

"Danny! Shit!" Ysa and Katie say in unison.

"Girls I'm on my way!" Danny says.

"Great… FUCK!"

"Will you subscribe" Danny asks.

"For what?" They ask

"For Fanfiction!! I need the fees!"

"Money! You said it'd be free! When you bought the website!! When we were best frinds!! Remember?"

"How could I forget!! You, me, Anni, and David! How is the player?"

"He's writing tonight!"

"I know!

Still his beta reader?

Two days ago I was bumped.

You still dating him?

Last month I was dumped."

Katie interrupts "He's in love!"

"He's got a new girl? What's her name?"

"Rodney" The two girls say in unison, and Danny bursts out laughing.

"The bills my amigas, are due, or I'll have to remove you two. Be there in a few"

Danny hangs up and the two girls hang up as well, and go back the the computer, but a moment later, the light shuts off, and the screen goes dark.

"The battery Blows" Ysa narrates.

The two girls stand up and shove the laptop back on Katie's desk. They seem to glare at it for a moment.

"How do you write a good fanfic, when no one drops you a single review!!" Ysa rants. "They mean more than favorites, alerts, and page views!! reviews!!"

Katie: When the wheels don't turn, how do you yearn,

To write something that's worth a read??

When the words sound wrong, The passions gone

Why should we pay to write, if no one wants to read?

Ysa: We don't get reviews!!

Katie: Why should we pay for page views!?

Both: Why should we pay? Why should we pay? Why should we pay? Next months' bill!?

Ysa: It's a rip off!!

Katie: How could we leave this site, where we spend our nights,

Hanging onto every single word?

Ysa: How could we say goodbye-

I won't even try!!"

Both: The idea's absurd!!

Ysa: We just have to pay!!

Katie: So that we can stay!!

Both: How we gonna pay?

How we gonna pay?

How we gonna pay-

This month's bill?!

(_Lights up on Rodney, who's talking on a cellphone at a computer.)_

Rodney: Don't scream, honey it's me- Rodney

You're substitute beta, hey hey hey!!

Did you write?

Don't change the subject David!

But baby!! You haven't written today!!

You won't mess up!!

You won't mess up!!

My spell check… you see

Didn't shut down exactly…

There may have been an error… okay?

You're not calling Ysa!!

Annie: How do you stay on your feet

When on every street

It's trick or treat

And tonight it's trick

Welcome back to town

Oh, I should lie down

Everything is brown

And uh oh…

I feel sick!!

Ysa: Where is she?

Annie: getting Dizzy!! (_Collapses)_

Ysa & Katie: How we gonna pay?

How we gonna Pay?

Why we gonna pay!?

This month's bill!!

Danny: Come on mom- you sound sad

I don't believe those two after everything I've done!

Since I stopped writing, I'm dirt!!

They'll see I can help them all out in the long run!!

Katie: The lyrics ignite the night with passionate fire-

Rodney: David I'm not good at writing!!

Ysa: The details, They crackle and pop with incendiary wit!!

Rodney: Never ever good at writing!!

Ysa: Zoom in as we burn the past to the ground!!

Katie: and feel the heat of the futures glow!!

Rodney: Hello?? (_David hung up)_

Ysa: _(The phone rings) _Hello? David!?

Your spell check won't work!? Okay! All right!! I'll go!!

Ysa and half of company: How do you leave the site behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart!!

It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out till you're torn apart!!

Katie and other half of company: How do you connect in an age where, authors, readers, betas, and reviewers betray!!

All: What binds the fabric together when the raging shifting winds of change keep ripping away!?

Danny: Draw a line in the sand and then take a stand!!

Katie: Use your keyboard to spar!!

Ysa: Words can go far!!

All: When they act tough you call their bluff!!

Katie and Ysa: We're not gonna pay!

Katie/Ysa/Company: Were not gonna pay!

We're not gonna pay!!

All: Last month's bill

This month's bill!

Next month's bill!!

Bills, bills, bills, bills, bills!!

We won't pay the bills!!

Katie &Ysa: No More fucking bills!!

_Authoress note- Okay, I hope you like this, I'm doing a whole parody fic of the musical. It's not going to be one chapter per song… probably a few songs in each chapter… Next chapter will be… You okay honey… to voice mail #2 I think. Please review… I think my song does beg for reviews at some point in it… _

_Oh, and special thanks to Ysa and Anni!! They're actual people who write fanfiction!! Ysa is PhantomViola and Anni is LeLunaTango!! Go take a look at their fics!! And I'm Katie!_

_If you want me to mention your fic in this fic, I probably can!! But you have to drop a review and tell me which fic to mention! I'll probably read it and review too!!_

_If you were confused at all-_

_Katie (Roger)- Katie is fourteen years old and she writes tons of fanfiction. She's addicted. _

_Ysa (Mark)- Ysa writes fanfiction, but not as much as Katie. She Reads a lot too. _

_Anni (Collins)- Katie and Ysa's friend who has just come home for the summer from boarding school. She's a fanfic addict too. She gets beat up for being a dyke._

_Danny- Benny- Is trying to make fanfiction a site where you have to pay for a subscription to use it._

_David (Maureen)- Left Ysa for Rodney. David is writing a petition/fanfic/protest trying to stop fanfiction from changing._

_Rodney(Joanne)- David's new boyfriend, who's a bit geeky, and is the new beta for Davids fanfictions, replacing Ysa. His spellcheck broke, so Ysa has to come down and help fix it. _

_Read and review!!_


	2. Be My Beta?

_A homeless man appears on the left. To his right, Andy is dancing in on the sidewalk. Her hair is cut short like a guy's and she's wearing boys clothes. _

**Homeless man**

Christmas bells aren't ringing

Christmas bells aren't ringing

Christmas bells aren't ringing

August 12th

It's HOT

_The random homeless dude exits. Andy is spinning, but a moan interrupts him. He starts to dance again but then Anni limps onto stage right. _

**Andy**

You okay honey?

**Anni**

I'm afraid so

**Andy**

They get any money?

**Anni**

No, I was broke, but they purloined my phone.

Well you left the screen!!

Thanks..

**Andy**

Hell it's 103 degrees!

I'm Andrea… Andy.

**Anni**

Andy… I see…

A beauty of the first degree.

Friends call me Anni- Anne Bennet,

Ugg, I'm dizzy

**Andy**

Let's get a band-aid for your knee

I'll change

I've a theatre group meeting at five thirty

And this body attends, the Interlochen arts academy

**Anni**

As do I

**Andy**

Well, we'll get along fine

We'll change your clothes

Have a bite

And make a night

I'm flush

**Anni**

But my friends are waiting

**Andy**

You're cute when you blush

The more the merry, oh, oh, oh

And I do not take no.

_At Ysa's house-_

**Katie**

Where are you going?

**Ysa**

David calls…

**Katie**

You're a sucker!

**Ysa**

I don't suppose you want to go to her house tonight… for the posting party…

Or to dinner at the life after?

**Katie**

Check out my empty wallet.

**Ysa**

Touche.

You should start packing for school…

Close on Katie-

She goes to boarding school in Vermont

She's leaving on the thirtieth

And I'm not going with her…

You have to get out of the house… You only have a few weeks left until you leave for the year… Have some fun before you go back to your snobby art school!

_Ysa leaves._

**Katie**

I'm writing one great fic before I…

One fic  
Glory  
One fic  
Before I go  
Glory  
One tale to leave behind

-

Find one fic  
One last story  
Glory  
From the young authoress  
Who wasted opportunity

-

One fic  
She had the world at her feet  
Glory  
In the eyes of a reader  
A reader  
Find glory  
Beyond the computer lights  
One fic  
Before the sun sets  
Glory- on another empty life  
Time flies - time dies  
Glory - one blaze of glory  
One blaze of glory - glory

-

Find  
Glory  
In a fic that rings true  
Truth like a blazing fire  
An eternal flame

-

Find  
One fic  
A tale about love  
Glory  
From the soul of an author  
An author

-

Find  
The one fic  
Before real life takes hold  
Glory  
Like a sunset

One fic  
To redeem this empty life

-

Time flies  
And then - no need to endure anymore  
Time dies

_There is a knock at the door. It is Lena, a beta who is well known on fanfiction, and who lives downstairs._

The door.

_Lena enters._

**Lena**

Got a comp?

**Katie**

I know you… You look tired

**Lena**

It's nothing, I just can't sleep

And I'm just a little weak on my feet

Do you need a beta?

What are you staring at?

**Katie**

Nothing, your hair in the sunlight.

You look familiar

_Lena stumbles_

Can you make it?

**Lena**

Just haven't slept at all today

At least the room stopped spinning

Anyway…

What?

**Katie**

Nothing…

Your smile reminded me

**Lena**

I always remind people of… who is he?

**Katie**

He moved… His name was Andrew…

**Lena**

I'm sorry

Do you miss your friend?

And can I be your beta?

**Katie**

Well…

**Lena**

Yeah… OW!!

**Katie**

Oh the fan, it isn't

**Lena**

working…

The computer is getting

hotter, Like you! You're blushing.

**Katie**

No… It's just the august heat…

**Lena**

Oh well… I'll go.

_Lena exits, Katie goes back to her computer, and then Lena knocks again and comes in._

**Katie**

You wanna beta?

**Lena**

Yeah, but I dropped my cigs.

**Katie**

I know I've seen you… somewhere else… somewhere else…

You wanna beta?

**Lena**

Oooh, I'm illin

I had em when I walked in the door

My Marlboros

Are they on the floor?

**Katie**

The floor?

_Lena is down on all fours again searching for her cigarettes and Katie is staring at her._

**Lena**

They say that I have the best ass below fourteenth street… is it true?

You're staring again

**Katie**

Oh, no

I mean… you do

Have a nice… I mean

You look familiar

**Lena**

Like your ex boyfriend

**Katie**

Only that one time, but I'm sure I've seen you… or heard of you…

**Lena**

Are you big on fanfiction, I beta- I'm Mojo55. My pic's a picture of me. Help me look!

**Katie**

Yes, You beta'd Mojo Christmas.

**Lena**

That was cheesy

**Katie**

I didn't recognize you without the penname.

**Lena**

Can I be your beta?

Let me be your beta.

**Katie**

Why don't you forget that stuff… You look like you're a kid, and my fic is rated M.

**Lena**

I'm fourteen, and you're a teenager too! I'm just born to be bad.

**Katie**

I once was born to be bad

I once was just like you

**Lean**

What's your point. I'm like you now.

**Katie**

My teeth were bad

**Lena**

Forgot to brush

**Katie**

I used to smoke too…

**Lena**

But now and then I like to

**Katie**

Uh huh

**Lena**

Feel good.

**Katie**

Here it is… umm.

**Lena**

What's that?

**Katie**

A candy bar rapper.

_Katie hides it in her back pocket and sits down._

**Lena**

I could be your beta

Why can't I be you beta?

**Katie**

I don't need one

**Lena**

I'm sure you could use the help

**Katie**

Maybe I already have help!

My best friend, is Phantomviola!!

**Lena**

Like she's your beta… Bah hum bug!

**Katie**

Cold hands

**Lena**

Yours too…

Small…

Like my Auntie's

Wanna dance?

**Katie**

With you?

**Lena**

No

With my Auntie

**Katie**

I'm Katie.

**Lena**

They call me

They call me

Lena

_They come very close for a kiss, Lena reaches into Katie's pocket for her cigarettes. Lena smiles and makes a sexy exit._

Whala!! Chapter two!!

Please review!!

I love reviewers and all my reviewers get cyber oreos!! They're tastey!!

Oh come on guys. You know how much a review means to you? And how easy it is? Well why don't you just review!? Unless… do you hate me? I accept flames too! I'd love any review!!

Oh and the recap-

Anni met a tomboy named Andy (andrea) (if you havn't noticed…. Andy is like Angel…)

Katie wants to write a popular fanfic before she has to leave for her art school in Vermont.

Katie meets Lena, who beta's on fanfiction, and Lena smokes and Katie used to smoke and stopped.

(Lena is like mimi… obviously)

Bye readers!!

-Glow

P.S- Please review!!


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